Where there is Love, there is Life...Happy Birthday Eunice! 04/16

It's your birthday today, this year your special day falls in Easter Day, which is a day of celebration, honor and remembrance, the resurrection of Christ, his rising from death.
I kept going on and on in my mind that it's difficult enough to face another important date in the calendar without your physical presence, more so when is also a holiday, as I was trying to find the significance of today's meaning and how to celebrate your birthday, instead of drowning in the pain of not being physically together, I got beautifully reminded by some lovely friends  that today it's indeed a gift, a reminder of hope, an invitation to see beyond what's palpable and imminent, a clear view to the hope of the eternal life and a reminder that this earth is not my final home...
This will be your third birthday outside our earthly realm, it does not get easier,
see for me, the fact that I can't hold you, see you, listen to you, kiss you, does not erase the realty that you lived, that today 21 years ago you were born and your birth changed the course of my story forever, you marked the before and after for me, just as when you parted from this world, my life was and is divided by a monumental abyss, these two worlds in my life intertwine and collide, sometime in balance sometimes in complete chaos. I live in between these two worlds, I dance between them and sometimes I stumble and fall too, I spend long time recollecting memories and every day and in everything I do, I try to honor you, I take some steps forward and sometimes many steps backwards, but one thing I know, I would've chosen you over and over, even if I would've know that your existence will be shorter than mine, even if I would've know that I had to endure the pain of loosing you, I would not have change the glorious gift of your existence, sharing this life with you, along with your brother and sister, being your mom will always be the greatest honor and gift ever given to me.
Death doesn't take love away, love remains and anchors our soul to hope, love transcends it all, time and space are nothing for the extraordinary force that keeps us going and grounded even when we feel we can't continue.
So today, you may not be physically with me, but you are with me, and you will always be.
Today I celebrate your magnificent life, today I want for my soul to resurrect in Love, and live in healing for the rest of my existence.
Today I celebrate the miracle of your life that gave me the greatest gift ever; being a Mom for the first time, being your mom. Forever.

"We don't lose what we love, therefore where there is love, there is life".

Happy Birthday Princesa Hermosa! ❤️
Today is one day closer to you!

With infinite love for Eunice.

Mom.                                                                       

Love, Time and an Enchanted Place...

Time really is irrelevant when it comes to Love, so it's to grieving because grief is a direct connection to those we can not longer hold physically.
I've read somewhere that when you lose someone so dear and near to your heart time really becomes only a mere before and after, more so when is your own child the one missing from your tangible world...
So time has continued it's course, hence today the calendar marked 2 years that Eunice left the physical realm, and every cycle of 365 that falls on January 23th will mark one more year for the rest of my life; for me though it feels as if it has just happened yesterday.

 Honestly I could've mentally prepare and plan and find 1000 ways to honor her, but these days my heart feels more like just being present with my feelings, all of them.
As the morning went by and I started to receive heartfelt messages from friends and family I couldn't help but let myself drown in tears, in memories and let the full force of the waves of grief crash over and over.
Later in the day the four of us went out for a hike, I put on Eunice's sunglasses and one of her favorite bracelets that I gifted her a few years back that reads "sweet" -I always carry something that belongs to her with me-

 We had picked Enchanted Rock as our hiking destination because the proximity to town.
Initially I felt as if I had bricks on my feet, but as our hike progressed I thought: "We couldn't have chosen a better place to honor our beautiful Eunice" it's really an "Enchanted" magical and I believe even a sacred place, hiking up to the majestic gigantic pink rock is everything but easy, as I walked I related the effort to what it's like in real life, when we face tragedy, pain, heartache, sometimes we don't know what the next step will feel like, but we take it.
Sometimes we are in the company of others but other times it's only our shadow,

 As I could see the little water ponds, I thought of the many people that have been light to my path, oasis in the desert, and getting to the top was as emotional as it can be, but it was also an indescribable feeling of being near  God, the everything, the source, as the wind blew and my tears fogged my vision for some moments, I felt as if Eunice was there, I felt a sense of hope, gratitude and love, nothing can't take away the pain of not having her with us, but her love and the way she lived, her perseverance, kindness and determination even through difficult times has set the standard very high for this gal.

So today I vowed once again to continue living in the light of her beautiful spirit, to grieve but to keep letting the light of the magnificent Love we shared be the vessel on my journey, to live in healing. To live fully and fearless.


Much Love,

Claudia

Enchanted Ways

My two main anchors in life <3