A Dad Hurts Too.

Father's Day is a special day in the calendar that we take -just as Mother's Day- to celebrate, honor, acknowledge and love the Men in our life, our fathers, husbands, It is a day filled with celebration, crafts cheerfully created by tiny hands and hallmark cards written with such love and pride, heartfelt messages, special dining arrangements etc. Social media gets filled with all these beautiful pictures that can easily be confused with pages from a magazine all of them painting a blissful reality of
fatherhood.

But there is another side to this day, one that no father would never ever imagine he could be in... The side where this day has changed forever and will never be the same, the first Father's Day as a bereaved parent.
I want to dedicate this post to my husband, the love of my life my rock and faithful companion, my partner in crime, my best friend; And to all fathers out there that are hurting today, to those that can't celebrate like they did before experiencing the loss of one of their precious sons or daughters.
I know how torn your hearts are, some of you that have more children will be able to find comfort in their love and grasp and hold so thigh to those blessing but the void never goes away.
Society hasn't been very helpful when it comes to a father grieving, the message is; Fathers need to be the strong ones, press and hurry and get over your loss, empathy, real empathy for a father grieving is like a rare pearl, and at times it may even seem like breaking down, crying and having to take time and having bad days are perceived as weakness.
Let me tell you a reality;
Fathers hearts hurt, to the soul crushing point just like moms. They too go through hell when loosing a child and the light on their eyes goes away too, I've seen it.
I've seen my husband wanting so bad and with no success sometimes to be my healer, reassuring me that love will eventually heal our hearts, I've seen him wanting to stand strong for our family, but I've also seen the despair, the light on his eyes disappeared, I saw his suffering and frustration when he saw the life of his princess slipping from his hands.  I know how in his most vulnerable moment he bargained with God asking him to take his life instead and to perform a miracle for our daughter.
He too is dealing with the heartache of waking up to a different realty every day, he misses his beloved princess Eunice and although he does not weep when people is around I'm sure he does while driving from one place to another one, or at a random moment when grief takes over.
I've seen the man he is transforming into because just like me he isn't the same person he used to be.  He too has a life with a huge Ground Zero, that moment of impact that divided the before and after of his existence with a space in between wider and deeper than the Copper Canyon (This canyon is located in my beautiful native Chihuahua Estate, google it is breathtaking)

The Copper Canyon-Chihuahua Mex. 

The challenge is big. Monumental.
Going through this journey has two roads, the one you feel pulled into is dark and your soul can be consumed, the other one takes courage, love, faith, and hard work, learning to live a full life again, deeply wounded but wiling to find a way to thrive, creating bridges of love between the pieces of a broken heart.
I know in my heart that's the way he wants to lead us, his family, with God leading him first.
And today more that ever I honor him for the man, the father and the husband  he is.
With honor and recognition to all fathers out there grieving loss. Any kind of loss.
To all Fathers: Cherish your sons and daughters, I'm not saying this as a cliche phrase but with a real open wounded heart, hug them, love them, celebrate them, learn from them.
For we don't know what tomorrow will hold.
Happy Fathers Day.

Fathers Day  2014

Love,

Claudia Viniegra

Honoring our Amazing Eunice

The past few weeks have been really heavy, I'm emotionally and physically exhausted to say the least.
Finding a good balance between grieving and living has left my heart and my mind simply weary. Trying to escape something present is not quite the same as accepting a huge absence every day, an irreplaceable absence, everything from prom to graduation and in between events that took place these past weeks were more like daggers that caused the pain to be sharp and constant. All of it reminding us of the void in our present and a future that even as a nonexistent, intangible white canvas was always filled with dreams and expectations to be created, or so we thought. We now have a different canvas and I know it is up to us what we create on  it, one day at the time still for all in our family, one day at the time...I'm learning to make peace with my own emotions and accept my limitations when it comes to what and how I can manage my feelings, some good days I get to accomplish more and other days the only thing I can manage to do is cry. And it is ok.

In the midst of all this raw emotions we were able to honor our precious Eunice and the first    "Eunice Viniegra - Memorial Scholarship"  was awarded a few weeks ago to a bright student that will be attending a Medical field related career next fall. It is our intention to keep awarding one every year to a Champion HS Senior entering a health career, the student will always be a deserving young man or woman in the Boerne community. At the end of this post I will share the information in case you feel in your heart the desire to contribute to this important cause, helping others with bigger need. We want to be able to channel our grief towards actions that will be speaking loud of the values and principles that Eunice represented when she was on this earth, we want to continue her legacy and desire for a better world by doing small acts of love because even the smallest act of love and kindness can be the difference in someone's day.
Another act of love came from the Senior class of 2015 at Champion HS, on May 27th beautiful trees were planted in memory of three students that no longer are with us, one of them dedicated to Eunice, and also stone plates were placed there and laid in the front of the school. There was a dedication ceremony attended by the students, teachers, the wonderful Principal Dr. Spoor, some friends and families. It was a very emotional event filled with tears moment, but it was also a space filled with hope, hope of healing and love much love. We are so grateful to the school and the community that keep on loving us and supporting us.
Another permanent plaque was placed at the Bahama Bucks in Leon Springs, a beautiful gift, so much grace and love from the kind owners and former bosses of Eunice's, she was so loved and still is, I know that she is still continues making an impact in people life's and that's bring us strength  and peace.
Back in April on her birthday a celebration and balloon release was held at the BB Store. I will share the pictures on this post.
Eunice may not had lived a long life in years, but her life on this earth was rich and filled with love and kindness up to her very last moment and I'm sure this world is better because she lived, I know she challenged me to be better as a human, as a mother and she made my life better, brighter in all aspects of it and yes I'm suffering this unspeakable pain but I wouldn't change the amazing years of joy that we were able to have and everything I received from her, my precious Eunicorn. (her favorite nickname) Even after she was called to be with our Father in haven, she made a huge gift. The gift of life. Eunice was an organ donor.-- When I feel stronger I will dedicate an entire post about it-- but for now I'll tell you that a few months ago we learned that through her gifts, the life of five people were impacted. Five humans had a second chance in life because our amazing daughter's gifts.

If someone is interested to contribute to "Eunice Viniegra Memorial Scholarship" the information is as follows :

Donations on any amount can be made to Bank of America Account #4880 5337 2077

Under the name of Eunice Viniegra (Memorial) Claudia/Victor Viniegra

Applications for the Scholarship will be posted on a yearly basis on the BISD/Champion HS
by March/April every year and will be awarded by May in a Ceremony held at the School.
Specific dates TBD.
Thank you,


                                              Eunice Memorial Tree at Champion HS. May 2015

                                          Balloon Release in Memory of Eunice, April 2015

Much Love,

Claudia.