Father's Day is a special day in the calendar that we take -just as Mother's Day- to celebrate, honor, acknowledge and love the Men in our life, our fathers, husbands, It is a day filled with celebration, crafts cheerfully created by tiny hands and hallmark cards written with such love and pride, heartfelt messages, special dining arrangements etc. Social media gets filled with all these beautiful pictures that can easily be confused with pages from a magazine all of them painting a blissful reality of
fatherhood.
But there is another side to this day, one that no father would never ever imagine he could be in... The side where this day has changed forever and will never be the same, the first Father's Day as a bereaved parent.
I want to dedicate this post to my husband, the love of my life my rock and faithful companion, my partner in crime, my best friend; And to all fathers out there that are hurting today, to those that can't celebrate like they did before experiencing the loss of one of their precious sons or daughters.
I know how torn your hearts are, some of you that have more children will be able to find comfort in their love and grasp and hold so thigh to those blessing but the void never goes away.
Society hasn't been very helpful when it comes to a father grieving, the message is; Fathers need to be the strong ones, press and hurry and get over your loss, empathy, real empathy for a father grieving is like a rare pearl, and at times it may even seem like breaking down, crying and having to take time and having bad days are perceived as weakness.
Let me tell you a reality;
Fathers hearts hurt, to the soul crushing point just like moms. They too go through hell when loosing a child and the light on their eyes goes away too, I've seen it.
I've seen my husband wanting so bad and with no success sometimes to be my healer, reassuring me that love will eventually heal our hearts, I've seen him wanting to stand strong for our family, but I've also seen the despair, the light on his eyes disappeared, I saw his suffering and frustration when he saw the life of his princess slipping from his hands. I know how in his most vulnerable moment he bargained with God asking him to take his life instead and to perform a miracle for our daughter.
He too is dealing with the heartache of waking up to a different realty every day, he misses his beloved princess Eunice and although he does not weep when people is around I'm sure he does while driving from one place to another one, or at a random moment when grief takes over.
I've seen the man he is transforming into because just like me he isn't the same person he used to be. He too has a life with a huge Ground Zero, that moment of impact that divided the before and after of his existence with a space in between wider and deeper than the Copper Canyon (This canyon is located in my beautiful native Chihuahua Estate, google it is breathtaking)
fatherhood.
But there is another side to this day, one that no father would never ever imagine he could be in... The side where this day has changed forever and will never be the same, the first Father's Day as a bereaved parent.
I want to dedicate this post to my husband, the love of my life my rock and faithful companion, my partner in crime, my best friend; And to all fathers out there that are hurting today, to those that can't celebrate like they did before experiencing the loss of one of their precious sons or daughters.
I know how torn your hearts are, some of you that have more children will be able to find comfort in their love and grasp and hold so thigh to those blessing but the void never goes away.
Society hasn't been very helpful when it comes to a father grieving, the message is; Fathers need to be the strong ones, press and hurry and get over your loss, empathy, real empathy for a father grieving is like a rare pearl, and at times it may even seem like breaking down, crying and having to take time and having bad days are perceived as weakness.
Let me tell you a reality;
Fathers hearts hurt, to the soul crushing point just like moms. They too go through hell when loosing a child and the light on their eyes goes away too, I've seen it.
I've seen my husband wanting so bad and with no success sometimes to be my healer, reassuring me that love will eventually heal our hearts, I've seen him wanting to stand strong for our family, but I've also seen the despair, the light on his eyes disappeared, I saw his suffering and frustration when he saw the life of his princess slipping from his hands. I know how in his most vulnerable moment he bargained with God asking him to take his life instead and to perform a miracle for our daughter.
He too is dealing with the heartache of waking up to a different realty every day, he misses his beloved princess Eunice and although he does not weep when people is around I'm sure he does while driving from one place to another one, or at a random moment when grief takes over.
I've seen the man he is transforming into because just like me he isn't the same person he used to be. He too has a life with a huge Ground Zero, that moment of impact that divided the before and after of his existence with a space in between wider and deeper than the Copper Canyon (This canyon is located in my beautiful native Chihuahua Estate, google it is breathtaking)
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| The Copper Canyon-Chihuahua Mex. |
The challenge is big. Monumental.
Going through this journey has two roads, the one you feel pulled into is dark and your soul can be consumed, the other one takes courage, love, faith, and hard work, learning to live a full life again, deeply wounded but wiling to find a way to thrive, creating bridges of love between the pieces of a broken heart.
I know in my heart that's the way he wants to lead us, his family, with God leading him first.
And today more that ever I honor him for the man, the father and the husband he is.
With honor and recognition to all fathers out there grieving loss. Any kind of loss.
To all Fathers: Cherish your sons and daughters, I'm not saying this as a cliche phrase but with a real open wounded heart, hug them, love them, celebrate them, learn from them.
For we don't know what tomorrow will hold.
Happy Fathers Day.
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| Fathers Day 2014 |
Love,
Claudia Viniegra
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