She is missing...

She is missing...I've been looking for her, that woman; The one that used to be happy most of the days, yes with the occasional bad hair morning but mostly with a life filled with blissful feelings, downs and difficulties just like we all experience but for the most part trying on a positive attitude most of the time.

I vividly remember she used to be excited abut weekends, running, trying new recipes all the time, watching her favorite TV series, reading a new book or enjoying a delightful evening over wine, tea or a good coffee on a zen moment, bonding with friends, feeding her mind and spirit by nurturing friendships, enjoying intense and exquisite conversations further that the surface forming bonds for life she called it, having a carefree evening with the family and finding joy in the simple things In life, those things we sometimes take for granted.

But I can't find her, she is at sea, drifted away and carried by the waves of grief, giant waves that come relentless and at times one after the other with no spare in between. 

Some days  I can start to see a glimpse of a new smile on her, a new hope being born as she holds her grip with all she has, to the today, only the today, there is no more because nothing is promised. To anyone. We just own this moment no more. The pain gets so physical she can feel it on her bones, the path in front of her isn't clear the view is blurry and the Dragons she is battling are huge and there are moments when she feels she can overpower them and finally become a thriving warrior just to realize the dragons are sometimes just asleep but they are still there. When she is alone and out of the noise of the world and the "normal" activities cease for the day, she goes and finds that intimate space, her space the one in which she can set the mask aside and be one to one with her most intricate self, no pretending, no expectations no questions to answer and no standards to meet, then she is dreaming about what it was and not longer is.

She is longing, yearning for glimpses of the eternal life, she is struggling to find firm land where she can catch a little bit of breath and plant her feet steady and stand strong. Her soul is pierced and wounded. It is changed.

Will it be forever?...She knows she has the magic powers, the sword that cuts the chains off the Dragons so she can set her spirit free, she also has a precious treasure...Possibilities that is, possibilities of a soul to be healed and hope and faith to be rebuilt in love, the love that comes from an eternal connection; The love she is surrounded with. She needs courage and maybe time to reconcile and take a hold of the treasure and let love be the ultimate price and the seal that will hold and guard the wound still, and love shall be the the vessel that will carry her to the promised and desired land where there is finally peace. At last. Or so she hopes.

Claudia