On January 23, 2015 our life was forever changed, that night our beautiful, bright, smart, caring, loving, seemingly healthy oldest daughter Eunice left this world to be born to her eternal life, that night I saw the light on her eyes vanished and with it our world became a completely different realty…
Eunice transition to the other dimension was really sudden and unexpected.
She suffered a brain hemorrhage caused by an AVM( arteriovenous malformation). The bleeding caused a seizure that was fatal, we were given that explanation by the neurosurgeon that saw Eunice when she first got to the emergency care. By then we have never heard of AVM’s, we didn’t know what they were and she never presented symptoms, (only an occasional headache) apparently AVM’s are rare and can be diagnosed only by CT Scans or MRI’s with contrast, some people can have recurrent migraines, seizures and other symptoms that can be easily confused with other conditions.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/brain-avm/symptoms-causes/dxc-20129994
After precious Eunice was put in ICU it took only hours for the doctors to determined she was not going to be recovering and that she was very sick. I felt the earth underneath crumbled, I wanted to scream loud so I can be awakened from the nightmare I was living. Alongside my son Yael, praying for a miracle for his sister, one of my best friends came that night to the hospital and it was only by an outside supernatural force that I did not collapsed on the floor that night, how could this be happening? Only some hours before I had said goodbye to my baby when she was in a hurry leaving for work, It was only a couple of hours after we got to the hospital when we were facing the unimaginable, in a mater of just hours our life was in the verge of a deep fracture, one that would forever change the course of our existence, one that will cut deep into our core and would leave us unrecognizable. I was there standing in my own feet but inside me I could feel the coldness and the shock in my body, then suddenly my mind started to think as I was trying to process that we were going to lose our precious daughter, I needed to talk to her dad who was traveling and didn't even imagined that he was coming back the next day to a land that was completely unfamiliar to him, back to a catastrophe scene where all the pieces of destruction were scattered around, He would now encounter his daughter but she would not be chatty about his trip, she would not be welcoming him with a hug, he was coming back to his princess laying in a hospital bed, so helpless, so fragile, he would come and tell her to wake up and how much he loved her, and tell her how proud he was of her...We needed to plan for a funeral, we needed to decide if Eunice was going to become an organ donor. We needed to start learning how in the world we were going to start our day the next morning without the presence of our daughter. Honestly I wanted to die that day,I could not imagine the next morning without seeing the smile on my precious daughter face.
Those three days that we spent in that Hospital were and will always be the most difficult, long, blurry days of my life. The worst nightmare.
We stayed with our baby until she was going to be taken to the OR to give her gifts, Eunice was an organ donor, this was her last act of kindness, the ultimate gift of life after her physical death, later we learned that her gifts saved the lives of 5 people.
Once, I heard someone saying that loosing a child is like getting your DNA changed; Now I know that is completely accurate. I feel as if I have been burned to the ground. My beliefs, my faith, the foundation of the life we built in years, became suddenly compromised.
I know this journey is long, I know grief will be my lifetime companion and I’m learning every day how to live again. How to reinvent a different realty, saving what’s possible on the aftermath of this emotional collapse.
I wrote these words 2 year ago, if not more, I never published this post.
Today, at 4 years after Eunice's death after countless difficult moments, many challenges, rivers of tears, missing Eunice beyond unimaginable limits, numerous changes in my life and the life of my two other precious children, and living through a one day at a time motto, I reflect on my journey and I can see a trail of so much pain, deep falls, and sudden turns, but in it I can clearly also see a trail of hope, new beginnings, courage to search a life in healing and above all God's grace through a relentless support system around me, today I feel truly grateful.
Eunice left me physically but she is present at every moment in my life, her existence is blended in my own existence, her life keeps shining on, today is one day closer to you my precious Eunice!
I wrote these words 2 year ago, if not more, I never published this post.
Today, at 4 years after Eunice's death after countless difficult moments, many challenges, rivers of tears, missing Eunice beyond unimaginable limits, numerous changes in my life and the life of my two other precious children, and living through a one day at a time motto, I reflect on my journey and I can see a trail of so much pain, deep falls, and sudden turns, but in it I can clearly also see a trail of hope, new beginnings, courage to search a life in healing and above all God's grace through a relentless support system around me, today I feel truly grateful.
Eunice left me physically but she is present at every moment in my life, her existence is blended in my own existence, her life keeps shining on, today is one day closer to you my precious Eunice!
Love,
Claudia
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